


Dense as Lead, Fleeting as Breath

by hays_eli



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comfort Sex, F/M, Romance, Sexual Content, Smut, Suggested Erwin/Marie, Suggested Erwin/Reader, but definitely wants this, reader is confused about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-15 02:45:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14782172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hays_eli/pseuds/hays_eli
Summary: With graduation approaching, and entrance to the Survey Corps just around the corner, you contemplate your feelings for the two beautiful boys you've watched grow into men.A night of alcoholic pining leaves you feeling overwhelmed, and you are confronted with a fragment of your desire you've been repressing for far too long.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, okay. So this is my very first ever attempt at a fic, so if it's terrible I'm very sorry, but I've had this idea stewing around in my head for absolutely ages and finally decided to bite the bullet and write the damn thing. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think!

The buzz and clamour of the local bar rang in your ears. You had lost track of how long you’d been there seemingly an infinity ago, resorting to staring into the amber liquid in your glass, watching as it slowly diminished to the last final mouthfuls. Sighing, you raised your head to see where the two boys you had attended this establishment with tonight had gotten to. Squinting through the gloom and smoke, you soon spotted one of them; his tall stature, broad shoulders and shaggy mass of sandy hair made him easy to spot amongst the myriad of other young men and attractive women he was seated with.

 On either side of him were two very beautiful young women, each looking at him longingly with their long-lashed doe eyes. The one to his right, a freckled redhead in a lavish satin dress and corset of lavender bashfully giggled at something he said, bringing one of her dainty hands up to her blushing cheek while the other playfully curled around the end of one of her auburn locks. The other girl to his left had her golden hair braided and pinned up, drawing attention to her slender neck and soft round shoulders. The pink ruffles of her blouse also defined her full bust, which you noticed was not so subtly pressed against Mike’s bicep.

 You crinkled your nose in disgust at the display, feeling what you could only describe as an angry fire setting ablaze to your insides. The smile that Mike gave them only added fuel to that flame, burning its way through your veins until you felt your knuckles turn white from how intensely you clutched onto your stein. Of course, having trained with Mike for the past three years, and having been friends with him for the better part of those years, you’d been on the receiving end of several of Mike’s smiles, from the brightest of grins to the faintest of simpers.

  _No._

 You had no right to be mad at Mike for flirting with other women. The two of you were no more than friends, and even then, you were comrades first and foremost. You put the sudden surge of jealousy down to the recent alcohol you’d consumed. By no means were you drunk, but your current wallowing in self-pity at your non-existent love life was definitely spurred on by the late generous servings of ale.

 With graduation looming on the horizon, and the final tests and assessments having been conducted, Mike, Erwin and yourself had unanimously agreed that you all deserved an evening away from the barracks; a night to feel free and merry and young before you decided to inevitably throw all of your futures away by dedicating your hearts to the Survey Corps. Of course, Erwin had been set on enlisting there from the very moment you’d met him. He’d talk about how he was going to help save humanity from the titan’s reign, an ambitious fire alight in his wide, youthful eyes.

 You’d avoided looking over to where Erwin was in the bar for quite awhile, having known undeniably what he would be doing. As soon as he’d suggested going to this specific bar, you knew what his intentions were. It was well known among your group of friends who frequented here that Erwin had a thing for one of the barmaids - Marie. You’d be lying if you didn’t admit that it made your heart clench every time you heard him say her name.

 You couldn’t exactly pinpoint when your feelings towards Erwin had grown from friendship, to something more than that. But it didn’t matter. There wasn’t much room for love in this world, and even less in the military. Joining the Scouts meant signing a contract with a certain untimely death. Whether it happened on your first expedition or you were still around to see your fiftieth, it was guaranteed to happen at some point. It wasn’t a question of _if_ you would die, it was more of a question of _when_ , which meant that there was really no point in starting meaningful relationships. All it would lead to was broken hearts, broken promises, and shattered dreams of what could have been. Whilst in the cadets, you’d avoided the idea of love like the plague, settling for the occasional comforting embrace when just being in the arms of another was necessary to prevent you from spiralling into complete despair.

 Reluctantly you turned your head over towards the bar, and were not at all surprised by what you saw. Erwin was stood, elbows resting on the bar top, shoulders hunched forward, leaning in close to speak to Marie over the boisterous roar from the other inhabitants of the small room. He had a charming and somewhat coy smile lighting up his face, Marie smiling right back with a playfully enamoured glint in her eye. You watched as Erwin slowly reached his hand up to Marie’s face, tenderly moving away a stray strand of hair which had caught itself over the curve of her small, girlish nose. You observed this change between them, their flirtatious facades simultaneously melting away, shifting into expressions of something genuine. Fondness? Adoration?

   _Love?_

 Before you could even decipher what had just transpired, the moment had passed; a burly, stout man you recognised as Marie’s father, walked out from the bar’s cellar, seeing the love-struck look on both the youths’ faces he promptly gave Erwin a firm slap on the shoulder, mirthfully hollering that the two of them should _just get married already_ before they make him sick. It seems that the entirety of the bar suddenly blew up in guffaws and whistles in response, Marie hiding her reddening face bashfully behind her hands as Erwin concealed his grin behind a swig of ale.

 Feeling fed up, out of place and pretty much lonely as hell, you swiftly downed the remainder of your drink in one sharp tilt back of your head, loudly slammed your stein back on the table, wiped your mouth in a long swipe of your arm and stood to leave. As you made your way to the door, no one even gave you so much as a glance. Seen as both Mike and Erwin were occupied, you didn’t even bother to look back to see if they noticed. You simply weaved your way between the bodies and overcrowded tables as if you were a ghost.

  The door of the bar closed behind you, and the silence seemed to fall over you like a thick blanket. You could still hear the whoops and hollering through the wood of the door, but couldn’t find it in yourself to think about it. You’d gone out tonight without bringing a coat or jacket, and as the chill of the early autumn breeze tickled goosebumps along the bare flesh of your arms, you let it carry you away, as your thoughts began to swim in their own pool.

 A little down the road to the east, you remembered there was a bridge over the town’s river, near to which was a small, but well-concealed spot among the trees. You didn’t really feel like heading back to the barracks yet, so you decided to head there. Perhaps the cool night air would help sober you up a little so you could stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your shit together.

 With a slight careless sway in your step you eventually found the spot you were looking for. It had become a little overgrown with nettles and thistles since the last time you were here, but there was still enough of a path for you to be able to make your way through and sit among the grass comfortably. If you were honest, you didn’t really mind the extra foliage - it just meant you were better hidden, and less likely to be disturbed. Absent-mindedly, you began to play with the daisies in the grass, which had closed their petals to the darkness. Plucking a few out of the grass, you twirled them between your index finger and thumb, contemplating whether or not you still remembered how to make daisy chains, like you did as a child. You then decided that it didn’t really matter much anyway, because _why pick perfectly good pretty flowers out of the ground where they belonged and prematurely kill them all for something as petty and stupid and meaningless as a -_

 Hearing a twig snap behind you, you whipped your head round so fast that you almost made yourself dizzy. Swiftly rising to your feet, ready to establish a defensive stance, your muscles reflexively slackened upon seeing who had followed you. He stood still partially obscured where the moonlight couldn't reach through the trees, but you didn't need to see his face to know who it was.

 “H-how,” you began, but had to stop to clear the thickness croaking up your throat. “How did you find me?” You watched his nose slightly crinkle as he took a slow, deep inhale of air before he spoke.

 “Could smell you all the way over here. Wanted to check you hadn't passed out in the river head first and drowned yourself.” The corner of his mouth playfully twitched up ever so slightly, drawing your attention to the fresh, subtle scattering of stubble which had begun to line his lip and jawline over the recent months.

 You let out a humorous breath. _Of course._  Of course he would know how to find you. Feeling almost embarrassed at your feeble attempt to run away and hide, you looked down at your feet, barely visible in the shadows of the weeds. For a few moments the two of you stood in silence. You were unsure of what to say next, and after all, he had come after you. He must have something to say. Although, this was Mike. You may have to initiate the conversation after all.

 "What about your _friends_?" You thought back to the two pretty girls who had been practically fawning over him back in the bar.

 Mike gave a slight chuckle, one lacking in any genuine affinity, and was more sarcastic in tone. "Clara and Rosie? They're alright but I started to get bored of them awhile back. Kept asking me about military stuff. Got a bit edgy when I mentioned the Scouts, though." As he spoke you noticed is forehead gradually crease with harsh lines.

 “So,” you began with a heavy sigh. “I guess you're gonna ask me why I just left?”

 “I think I know why you left.”

 You felt your stomach drop. _Oh._

 “Is it _that_ obvious?”

 “Well, with the way you stormed out after what Marie's old man said, yeah, I guess.”

 You'd managed to keep your emotions relatively under control for the whole of tonight, but hearing Mike say this aloud to you felt like a kick to your gut. The tears began to sting at your eyes, threatening to spill. You turned your head away, determined not to let him see you cry.

 “Look...whatever you're thinking…” Mike hesitated, sniffing the air deeply again before continuing. “Don’t.You know Erwin’s heart is in the Scouts and so do the both of them. Nothing's going to happen, there's no room for her, not in his plan.”

 You sniffed quietly, turned back to face the water, and slowly sank down to sit on the grass.

 Finally you spoke again. “I know that.”

 After several moments of silence, you heard Mike rustle his way through the bushes and long grass towards you and, remarkably quiet for a man of his size and build, sit on the empty space of grass to your left. The two of you remained there in silence for what seemed like hours, simply watching the current of the river warp and distort the reflection of the silvery pale moon, the small flies and midges that bounced off the water's surface, listening to the sound of the breeze gently stroke against the leaves of the trees above you, the crickets chirping their song in the grass lining the bank.

 Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Mike had his attention fixed towards you. Turning to face him you gave him a questioning look. He held your gaze, eye to eye, for a few seconds, before slowly turning to look back towards the water. You did the same, bringing your knees up to your chest, hugging your arms around your shins and rested your head in the nook between your kneecaps. Finally, Mike spoke again.

 “You don't have to tell me what's on your mind, but...” He began to slightly fidget uncomfortably. You raised your head off your knees to peer at him, feeling your brow furrow in confusion.

 “Don't get yourself worked up over unimportant things. You're my friend,” he spoke your name, running his hand up through his hair and blinked heavily, suddenly looking very exhausted. “I want to look out for you, but I can't unless you let me.”

  _Friend._ Well, there goes any chance you had at developing your relationship further. Not like you had one anyway.

 You bit the inside of your cheek, wondering how to word this properly. If you were going to tell him anything at all, that is. Taking a deep inhale through your nose, you moved so that you sad cross legged, and leaned back on your arms, craning your head back and up to look at the night sky and the stars and the treeline.

 Closing your eyes, you tried to calm your racing mind and heart. You’d had this strange burdening feeling weighing you down for so long, that you weren’t even sure was it was anymore. Over your years of training, this inexplicable sense of utter doom and dread had steadily developed, wedging itself firmly into your chest, the pressure and heaviness of it leaving you feeling as dense as lead, yet as fleeting as breath. Whether is was the alcohol from the bar helping to wash away your emotional barriers, or the grounding emanation of heat from the body sitting next to you, your mouth, as if involuntary, opened, and words began to tumble out.

 “I’m _scared_ , Mike. I’m so scared of all of this just being for nothing. We’re supposed to be dedicating everything we have to saving humanity. But what’s the point when I don’t even feel human anymore.” Slowly, you opened your eyes, lowered your head, facing towards the water, although your eyes weren’t focusing on anything in particular, you simply stared out. You weren’t surprised that Mike didn't respond. He probably sensed you had more to say.

 “I feel so disconnected from everything. I’ve spent so much time ignoring how I felt and focusing on training and becoming a soldier that I don’t even feel real anymore. I see couples so happy together - people that have a life and a future and some sliver of purpose to hold onto - and sometimes I think maybe I made the wrong decision.” You had to stop, beginning to choke on your words as your throat constricted, tears burning behind your eyes once more.

 “A part of me knows that there’s no real place to be in love in this world. We’re all damned to hell anyway.” Normally, you would have called yourself pathetic for sounding so bitter, the way you spat your words, venom laced around the edges. Right now, though, you were in far too deep to care. “I’m just - I’m scared I’ll die without really have been _alive_ in the first place.” The tension of the damn broke then,  and a single tear carved its way down your cheek. You turned your tears away from Mike once again, pressing a hand against your mouth to stifle your quivering breaths and unbridled sobs. When you clamped your eyes closed, all you saw in the darkness was Erwin’s hand a whisper away from Marie’s face, the promise of cradling her cheek delicately in his palm.

 What you didn’t expect was the unquestionable feel of warm fingers brushing tender against your own face. Mike’s voice breathed your name in such a deep, soft and reticent tone, it suddenly felt like velvet had caressed against your very senses.

“Look at me.” Without so much as fulfilling his request, Mike’s reassuring hand slowly turned your flushed face back towards him. Feeling so moved so quickly, your eyes instantly met his, too confused and hesitant and overwhelmed to do anything else.

 The soft green of Mike’s eyes and the display of sheer adoration within them reverberated to your very core, leaving you speechless. It felt as if you had fallen into them; the warmth emanating from his eyes, his hand upon your cheek, his presence, seeped under your skin and into your bones, where it scorched down your spine and left your blood feeling like embers.

 “Do you trust me?” Mike read your face, searching for any sign of discomfort, unease or fear. You explored his face right back, from the colours of gold and bronze of his hair in the light of the moon, the shadows it cast across his sharp and masculine features, the faint mottling of light freckles across his nose you had never been close enough to notice before. Acutely, it felt like your reality had concentrated down to this man in front of you, and the heat that had settled on and around you.

 With the sound of blood and white noise prickling in your ears, you barely registered when your response left your mouth in a desperate, trembling breath.

 “ _Yes._ ”

 You caught the slight upturn of the corners of Mike’s mouth, the suggestion of a blush radiate from his cheeks, and the way his eyes lit up sincerely, before his other hand cupped your face, and he pressed his mouth to yours.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I am so sorry it took me this long to update. You know how life goes. At least this is a long one, so I really hope you enjoy it!

Heat.

That was the first thing you registered from Mike's kiss. That same wash of warmth you feel on a late summer evening, when the sun is only just beginning to set behind the horizon, bathing the world in a soft rosy lambency. The sensation seeming to spread from the connection of your lips into your very bloodstream, igniting your skin, flashing bright white behind your closed eyelids.

And then, he was pulling away. You whined quietly at the loss of contact as your mouths separated. When you opened your eyes, it took a few moments for your vision to adjust, the kiss leaving you light-headed and utterly overwhelmed with emotion.

Mike still held that look of adoration in his eyes, as he once again searched your face. You watched his gaze flicker between your eyes and your still parted lips, and noticed as his light green irises darkened with what you could only think was lust, the green being swallowed up by the black of his pupils. You felt something run hot down your spine at the thought that he might desire you so much from so little as a kiss.

He leaned into you again, pressing a series of short, chaste kisses to your lips and slowing moving along your jaw, down to your neck, his kisses becoming firmer and more insistent as he went. You felt as Mike's hands slowly trailed along your arms, his gentle fingers raising goosebumps in their wake, before holding you by the shoulders.

“ _Mike_.” You surprised yourself by how utterly needy you sounded, but the feel of his warm mouth pressed to the sensitive skin of your neck, the rasp of his light stubble along your pulse point, was just too much. The low growl that seemed to vibrate in his chest in response suggested that this was all maybe just too much for him as well, and the thought made your head spin.

The path of his kisses came to a stop at the base of your neck, right at the curve where your shoulder began. He replaced his lips with his nose, and you felt as he took a deep inhale of breath, as if absorbing your scent. You knew that some people were made uncomfortable by Mike's talent, but you were always intrigued by it, fascinated almost. His way of understanding someone's emotions; his ability to sense their fear, discomfort or anxieties, even catching a glimpse of their personality. You'd heard Erwin practically boast on several occasions about how indispensable such a skill would be in the scouts, being able to _smell_ a Titan.

 _Erwin_. How could you even think about Erwin, at a time like this? When Mike's mouth was pressed against the bare skin of your shoulder, his fingers tracing delicate patterns on the goose-pimpled flesh of your arms.

You swallowed thickly, nervousness making your insides do somersaults. What if Mike was only doing this to pity you? You doubt he would ever do such a thing, being as gentle and caring as he is, but the mere thought that he may toss you aside once this was over - well it was unbearable, really. You'd avoided being intimate with anyone for a while, out of fear of being hurt later on. The thought of being hurt by a friend -

“Don't think,” he whispered, his voice soft yet firm enough to ground you. “Just relax. Let go.” He pulled back, cupping the sides of your face with his large hands, looked into your eyes. “Trust me.” You let out a shaky exhale. The warmth of his hands on the chilled skin of your face made you realise you had yet to even touch him.

All of the affection he'd just given you with his soft kisses and caresses, and you hadn't even so much as reciprocated. No wonder he assumed your reluctance. Slowly, you brought your right hand to lay over his, still cupping your cheek. You wrapped your fingers over his, turning your face to press a kiss to the crease of his large palm. His fingers squeezed yours in response.

“Please,” you breathed, before pressing yet another kiss, this time against the tendons of his wrist. “I need you.” You looked up at his face bashfully from underneath your eyelashes, and he smiled at you once more, before he leaned his forehead against yours and said, “come with me". Before you could answer, he stood, swiftly, your still joined hands pulling you to your feet with him, and began to lead you back through the underbrush.

The sudden movement, along with the desire pooling within you, your slight drunkenness and the realisation that this was actually going to happen, left you dizzy. You could barely make out where you were even walking in the dark, the moon having been obscured by the velvety darkness of the autumn clouds, your only guidance being Mike's warm hand holding securely on to yours.

You looked down for what felt like a moment, searching for Mike's feet in front of you in the pitch-darkness, unable to find them. When you looked back up next, you could just make out a hut-looking structure a few yards ahead of you. Squinting, you recognised it to be one of the outposts for the cadet barracks, intended to be used for extra food storage from the food merchants in town, but seldom used as of late, given the constant food shortages.

You reached the hut in a matter of moments, and the thought suddenly occurred to you that it may be locked, before Mike crouched down, reached into a small and clearly uncared for plant pot on the floor underneath the small windowsill and produced a key, which he quickly brushed the soil from with his fingers and proceeded to unlock the door.

You stared at his back, utter confusion rendering you immobile. After he'd pushed the door open he turned back to you, seeing the bewildered expression on your face. “Oh, Erwin, Nile and me once saw one of the MPs go in once to steal some booze and the drunken moron left the key in the door. We hid it in there and use this place to rest while we sober up before we head back to the barracks.” He crossed the threshold and turned to face you, leaning against the doorframe with one shoulder casually, giving you an amused smirk at his reminiscing.

 _Well that's a story you definitely weren't expecting_.

As he stood there in the doorway, it gave you an opportunity to fully take in his physique; the way he bowed his head slightly as to not hit the top of the doorframe, the girth of his broad shoulders, the sheer bulk of his sturdy, muscular limbs, proof he'd trained hard these past three years. Your gaze may have also lingered on the bulge now visible through the front of his trousers, and you involuntary licked your lips, your mouth having ran dry in anticipation.

“How convenient,” you hummed, your eyes flicking back up to meet his. He looked back at you with an almost unreadable expression, and it made you wonder what was going through his head in this moment.

Standing there eating eachother up with your gazes, you became all too aware of the wetness pooling between your legs. Did he want you to initiate something? Was that why he was just waiting for you? A sense of nervousness washed over you again - it filled you with a small feeling of dread wondering what would transpire in this small building once that door was closed behind you. But it also filled you with a sense of excitement. This beautiful, strong, utterly wonderful man stood in front of you, for the next foreseeable hours at least, was yours.

Before you could process it, you had caught up to him placing your hands on the firm muscle of Mike's chest to push him back slightly allowing you space to close the door. The sound of the wood door meeting with its frame seemed to resonate through the small interior, again making you hyper aware of what was about to happen.

Tantalisingly slow, you slid your palms up his chest and over his shoulders, reaching up behind his neck to meet the roughness of his undercut, and even further, up to the longer strands of his sandy hair. Your fingers curled through the strands at the back of his head where you gently tugged his face further down to to you, all the while standing on your toes, accommodating to his tall stature. Your lips met for the chastest of kisses, as he breathed your name desperately, his hands coming up almost instinctively to your waist.

You peeked around the width of Mike's bicep to take in the layout of the room, barely able to make out the contents in the pitch blackness. Only the silvery glow of the moonlight shining through the small window to the right allowed you to make out some rough shapes - a wooden table and set of two chairs to the left, piles of presumably empty crates underneath the right window and shelves collecting only cobwebs lining the back wall.

“Are there any candles? Matches?” You asked, almost whispered.

“Uh, yeah. Uh, in the drawer”, responded Mike, sounding all but dumbstruck. He turned around quite suddenly, raking a hand through the hair falling in his eyes as he approached the desk to search the drawer. You felt yourself smirk slightly at how flustered he sounded and unashamedly admired the curve of his broad back, backside and thighs as he stooped to take the candle and matches from the desk.

Mike busied himself fitting the candle in to the brass holder and lighting the candle as you slowly pulled the chair towards you. As he turned around you took his arm softly and encouraged him to sit in the chair. He did so, the new light allowing you to see the hint of confusion which crossed his features. That confusion was quickly replaced with a look of surprise and then hunger as you lifted the fabric of your long skirt and settled yourself in his lap, returning your hands to his hair. You wasted no time in pulling his lips to yours once again, kissing him much more fiercely and passionately than before. He willingly accepted you, his own hands settling on your bare thighs, following the curves of your hips up to your waist and back down to cup your backside.

You moaned openly into Mike's mouth at the feeling of him touching you in such a way. You'd never even thought to consider yourself a “curvy” woman - training in the military never allowed you to develop many curves anywhere, but the way Mike was handling made you feel _desirable_. He squeezed your buttocks appreciatively, growling against your lips as your nails raked against the expanse of his clothed back. You needed his clothes off.

Hastily, you brought your hands to the front of Mike's collar, eagerly pulling at the buttons of his shirt and parting the fabric. You smoothed your hands over the firm muscle of his chest, scraping your nails through the slightly coarse hairs scattered over his sternum. He groaned again, his own hands fisting at the fabric of your skirt pooled across your hips, the hardness of his erection pressing against the inside of your thigh.

Growing impatient, instead of continuing to undo the rest of the buttons of his shirt, you simply tugged at the ends tucked in his trousers and pulled the shirt over his head, parting only for a few moments to do so, before your mouths hungrily sought one another out, his tongue pressing enthusiastically against yours.

The feeling of his hardness pressing against where you needed him most was making you feel too hot for your own skin. Again, you tugged at his hair, hard enough to pull his head back and separate your now kiss-swollen lips. You continued to tug his head backwards until it was leaned all the way back, leaving his neck fully exposed.

You admired the strong thickness of his masculine throat, the twitching tendons, his hammering rhythmic pulse and the bobbing of his Adam's apple as he swallowed. Your eyes flicked to meet his as he looked down at you over his flushed pink cheeks. Ducking your head down you began a trail of caste kisses from the juncture where his jaw met his ear down to his shoulder and felt Mike tense and gasp in response.

One of his hands flew up to your back, gripping at the fabric of your shirt at your shoulder blades, while the other threaded itself into the hair at the nape of your neck, almost as if to encourage you to continue your ministrations.

What had happened to the forward Mike? The one that had taken you by the hand and led you here in the first place? The panting man beneath you now showed no signs of taking charge of the situation. Whilst you were quite enjoying making him gasp and moan at your touches, you also wanted him to return some enthusiasm. The way his muscles seemed to stiffen seemed like he was holding back in some way. Perhaps he was feeling conflicted, or wanted to make sure you were comfortable.

Perhaps you'd have to have to show him.

Or, perhaps you'd have to _make him_ take control.

Experimentally, you rolled your hips forwards and down, grinding your still-clothed core against the hard length pressing against his trousers. He responded with a hoarse gasp, his fingers tightening their hold in your hair, but that was all.

Maybe you needed to try something rougher.

Placing your hand on the warm taught flesh of his left shoulder, just below the prominent curve of his clavicle, you pressed your nails into the skin, and slowly, but firmly, raked your nails down his chest and abdomen, making sure to catch one of your nails on his nipple as you went.

“ - Fucking shit!” He shouted, digging the blunt nails of his own hand into the skin through your shirt and pulling even harder on his grip on your hair, making you moan.

Leaning forward, you pressed your mouth against his neck, working nips and kisses into the muscles of his throat. You worked your way up, until you reached his ear, where you brushed your lips delicately over its shell. “Mike, please. Take me.” Then, you gently took the lobe of his ear into your mouth, lapping your tongue along the underside and grazing your teeth across its surface.

That was when you felt yourself being lifted up, off of Mike's lap, and onto the top of the desk to your left. Before you could register what had happened Mike's lips were on yours, his large hands placed either side of your head to hold up his weight as he leaned over you. You eagerly accepted his change in enthusiasm, slinging your arms over his back to pull him down to you, hooking your legs around his waist.

He pulled away, but only slightly. Enough for him to pull open the buttons of your blouse and slide his calloused hands under your bra where he palmed at your breasts. You openly moaned at the contact, arching your back upwards, pushing your chest further into his warm touch.

Feeling impatient, you lifted your legs further round his middle, hooking your ankles together at the small of his back, pulling him against you, your thighs barely able to accommodate to the sheer broadness of him. He growled into your mouth, one of his hands coming down to stroke up along the outside of one of your thighs where it pushed up under the waistband of your skirt and settled itself against the warm flesh of your hip.

He kissed you so hard, it left you breathless. You felt like you were on fire, and he was the kindling that kept you burning. Your clothes, now beginning to cling to you with the layer of sweat that was accumulating beneath them, made you itch. Your mind had gone blank. All you could focus on, was kissing the man in front of you, his weight like lead, grounding you; both to the desk and in this moment.

He pulled away from you again, this time standing to his full height, allowing you to the appreciate the entirety of his muscled chest in the flickering candlelight. You were briefly reminded of the time you visited an art gallery in wall Sina which housed the likenesses of ancient gods and goddesses immortalised in marble. Their physiques what you could only describe as ethereally perfect. But the man before you wasn't marble, or a god. He was real, made from flesh and bone, blood and heat.

Sliding his hands under your back, Mike lifted you up so you were seated on the edge of the desk, pulling your blouse the rest of the way down your arms, before unclasping your bra, and discarding that as well.

His hungry gaze devoured your bare breasts and torso, and you felt your face heat up at how unashamedly he stared. Gently, he helped you lay back down across the desk and you watched his eyes take you in and eat you up. He looked back into your eyes, the flame of the candle reflecting off the green of his irises, swimming with something you couldn't quite put a name to.

Tentatively, Mike's hand came up to your face, caressing your cheek so fondly, so affectionately, it brought tears to your eyes. The way he was looking at you was almost too much.

“ _You're_ _beautiful_.”

He whispered it so quietly, you more felt the words from his breath than actually heard them. Feeling more tears welling up in your eyes - threatening to spill if you so much as blinked - you decided you needed to hurry up and move this along, before this got any more emotional than it already was. Before you both realised how fast you were sinking into each other, before you realised how much of a mistake this would all seem come morning.

It was probably just the alcohol talking anyway.

You reached out towards the belt of his pants, pulling harshly at the leather through the buckle, working it free to get to the button and zipper. Quickly opening up those as well you slid your hand into his boxers, ignoring his confused expression at your sudden change of pace, and palmed at the hard length straining against the fabric.

Mike's guttural groan in response had your core clenching in anticipation. Just as you had imagined him, he felt thick and long and heavy in your hand. Reaching further, you cupped his balls and gently squeezed, feeling them tighten instantly at your ministrations.

Your other hand tentatively found its way between your parted legs, your middle finger tracing down the front of your underwear, gently pressing at your clit through the garment, anything to alleviate the ache for him.

“Mike - please. I'm yours -” you whined desperately, rocking your hips up to meet your own circling finger. With his mouth agape, Mike watched your hand working over yourself, his cock twitching against your hand still fondling awkwardly in his pants.

Finally, he gave you the relief you needed; he pulled your underwear down your legs, bunching your skirt up around your waist rather than removing it from you. He drank in the sight of your naked core for a short moment before bringing the index and middle finger of his right hand up to his mouth, sucking on them hastily but thoroughly and gently running them across your entrance.

You gasped delightedly, lifting your hips up enthusiastically, encouraging him to enter you. Taking the hint that you were ready, he gently pushed the two fingers into you, your own wetness and his saliva combined proving to be more than enough.

You moaned loudly, your head lolling to the side, your fingers grasping at your skirt, curling into fists. He swore quietly under his breath, “ _you're so damn wet_.” Thrusting his fingers into you faster, he added a third, and soon you we crying out in pure ecstasy. You felt like you were almost there, almost tipping over the edge, when he pulled his fingers from you.

Before you had chance to complain, he pulled his trousers along with his boxers down over his hips, leaving them pulled tight around his mid- thighs. Wasting no time in running his length against your vulva, he collected the wetness pouring from your entrance on the tip, positioning it to enter you. Seeing how big he really was sent a shot of excitement down your spine, your head spinning in anticipation of having him sheathed inside you.

He stopped just shy of pushing the head into you, his eyes lifting to meet yours, scanning your face, looking for a final confirmation of consent. “Are you sure about this? We can stop if this isn't what you want.”

So kind. Ever so kind is Mike. Always putting others before himself. You smiled at him warmly.

“Yes, I'm sure. I want this, Mike. Thank you.” He smiled back, and nodded his head, before slowly, carefully pushing himself into you.

You whimpered at the feeling of him entering you, you were plenty wet enough that it didn't hurt, but the stretching to accommodate to his size was intense.

Looking up at Mike, it was almost as if he'd forgotten how to breathe. Eyes clenched shut and jaw visibly tightening made him look like he was almost in pain. He let out a heavy breath, his hands finding purchase on your hips, rubbing soothing circles into your hip bone with his thumbs.

“Are you okay?” His voice sounded strained, husky and breathless.

“Yeah - I'm fine. You can move,” you say, pushing your hips up and into him.

Mike groaned deep in his chest, starting a slow and steady rhythm. The thickness and length of him meant he could stimulate your G-spot deliciously, with near minimal effort.

“ _Mmm, Mike - more_ ,” you moan, hiking your knees higher over his hips, pressing your feet against his ass to pull him closer. Groaning in response, Mike takes a firmer grip of your hips, before thrusting into you at a harder and faster pace.

Too good. He felt too good inside of you. You could feel your end fast approaching, and as much as you wanted him to just fuck you, you also didn't want this to end. Your bottom lip hurt from how hard you were biting down on it, silencing your lewd noises of praise. Mike must have noticed this, and decided he wanted it to change.

“Come on, baby. Moan for me.” Your breath hitched at his command, feeling his thrusts getting harder, threatening to make you scream.

“Tell me how much you want me to make you come.”

“Hah- Fuck!” You shouted, your hands shooting to claw at the edge of the desk under your bottom, scrambling for purchase. “Fuck, Mike - Yes!” Your head shot backwards, hitting the desk, back arching up. You could hear the unmistakable sound of the desk banging against the wall, the legs scraping along the floor with the force of Mike's hips.

It crossed your mind that someone may hear you, may even see the bloody hut shaking on its foundations with how hard Mike was taking you. You were also slightly concerned that the legs of the desk may buckle under the force, but quickly decided that even if it did, you'd happily let Mike continue to ravage you on the goddamn floor.

“Hhhggnn - oh fuck! You feel so good. I - I'm close!” Mike's urgent moans had your insides clenching. _Almost_. Almost there.

“Mike - don't stop! I'm - I - Mmmm!” Your fingers had gone numb from your white knuckled grip on the edge of the desk, voice hoarse from screaming. You were sure your heart was going to burst out if your chest with the way your pulse thrummed in your ears. You were also sure that your shoulder blades were now raw from friction between your skin and the rough surface of the desk.

When your orgasm hit you, it started from your core and like lightning it shot up your spine, igniting your entire being into a shattering mass of nerves exploding with pleasure. Your jaw locked open in a silent scream as you shook and trembled from the intensity.

However, Mike's relentless thrusting wouldn't let up. You wanted to tell him it was too much, to slow down, but you couldn't remember how to speak. All you could do was lay there writhing, burning with white-hot euphoria.

You felt how his thrusts began stuttering, erratic in their pace. Squinting through the tears in your eyes, you watched how Mike threw his head back, his whole body going beautifully taut. “Shit! Coming - I'm coming!”

Grasping at the sweaty hair at the back of your neck, Mike lifted you as if you weighed nothing, pulling you into his chest and crushing his lips into yours with a bruising force, continuing to thrust into you. Latching your arms around his broad shoulders, you dug your nails into the flesh and muscle of his back, returning his kisses with just as much fervour, sucking his tongue into your mouth.

Suddenly he was pulling out of you, growling loudly against your swollen lips. The hand holding your hip shot down to his penis to catch the come that spilled copiously from the tip.

You both collapsed back onto the desk in a tangle of trembling limbs and tired spent lungs drinking in air. His head nestled itself between your breasts, as you ran your fingers lazily through the strands of his hair, now clinging together with sweat. The feeling of his hammering heart against your stomach and the fanning of his hot breath against your sternum lulled you into a sense of calmness.

As you caught your breath and floated down from your high, you stared at the beams criss-crossing across the ceiling and became aware that you were now engulfed in darkness, aside from the silver light of the moon casting long shadows along the expanse of timber above you. You weren't sure at what point the candle fell from the desk, but the fact that there was no sign of any smoke meant that it must have been extinguished in the fall.

Mike remained still and quiet for several moments, to the point that you thought maybe he'd drifted off to sleep, when you felt him take a deep inhale before he lifted his head to rest his chin on your chest and look up at you, eyes bleary and cheeks flushed, his fringe in a complete disarray it was almost comical.

“You feeling okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?” He asked, his concern clear despite his weary appearance.

Laughing softly, you began playing with his fringe, trying to fashion it back into some sort of semblance of neatness.

“No, I'm fine, you didn't hurt me at all. Quite the opposite actually…” you trailed off, not without missing the smug grin that bloomed across Mike's face, his eyes twinkling playfully.

“That good, huh?” He chuckled, flashing you the white of his teeth. You gently flicked his nose in response. “What do you think?”

Mike returned his head to laying on your breasts, nuzzling into your skin and breathing deeply through his nose. The both of you lay basking happily in the afterglow, hands softly caressing through hair and huffing sleepy sighs against each other. Despite the tranquility, you couldn't stop a feeling of dread from gnawing away inside your chest. What would happen now? Was this it? Would the two of you have to part ways, go back to being friends like this never transpired? The mere thought made your heart sink and clench unpleasantly.

“Mike.” Your voice, though quiet, felt like an axe slicing through the blanket of calm that had settled in the room over you. You heard him hum lazily in response, his deep voice tinged with drowsiness in a way that made your heart swell.

You almost didn't want to say it; to ruin this fleeting whisper of a moment.

“What -” your voice cracking, fragile as glass “what happens now?”

You felt Mike's eyelashes flutter against your chest as he opened his eyes, blinking rapidly. Your throat felt as if it was made of lead, thick and heavy, choking you, tears burning behind your eyes.

He turned to face you slowly, lifting himself off of you slightly and bracing an elbow beside you on the surface of the desk, the legs of which creaked audibly. Staring down into your eyes, he pinned you in place, as you held your breath waiting for his answer. His gaze flitted across your features, from your eyes to your mouth and back to up to your eyes again:

“What do you want to happen?” Such a seemingly simple question, that you had no idea how to answer.

“I don't know,” you murmur shakily, looking down to his collar bones, no longer able to hold his intense gaze. You felt as though you were suffocating, as if you'd suddenly been plunged into a lake of ice.

Hearing Mike swallow thickly, you tentatively looked back to his eyes, only to see that he'd dropped his gaze from your face as well, focussing instead at a spot somewhere above your left shoulder. His brow furrowed, eyebrows drooping fractionally, but enough for it to not go unnoticed. “I see.”

He slowly lifted himself away from you, and it felt as if your heart had jumped out of your chest, a feeling of dread washing over you, raising goosebumps over your now cold and clammy skin, making you shiver.

“Ugh, shit.” You heard him growl, suddenly. He grunted and you watched his head disappear from your line of sight past the edge of the desk as he crouched down, the buckle of his belt clanking as he awkwardly pulled his trousers back around his hips. Sitting yourself up you rested your weight on your elbows to peer down at him between your thighs to see that he still had a handful of come, now sticky and drying between his fingers. His other free hand rummaged around in his trouser pockets before he pulled out a handkerchief and began wiping somewhat futilely at the mess.

This made you aware of your own stickiness now congealing unpleasantly between your legs. You rubbed your thighs together instinctively, only to feel it had spread there as well, whining at the feeling of it pulling at your skin uncomfortably tight in the patches it had already dried on.

Mike suddenly looked up at your sound of discomfort, noticing the slight grimace on your face. He glanced back at the handkerchief, it's folds of fabric now glued together with the mess he'd cleaned off his hand.“Damn it, sorry, should've let you use it first” he said ruefully.

“It's alright, I'll manage,” you mutter, sitting up fully and sliding your bottom over the edge of the desk, smoothing your skirt back down your shaking legs as you stood. You turned your back to Mike to relocate your discarded garments. Squinting in the darkness you spotted your blouse and bra still half hanging off the side of the desk and your underwear on the floor underneath. Bending to pick up your underwear, you became very aware of just how sore your back was; a prickling burning feeling bloomed its way across the bony parts, making you hiss.

Figuring you'd be able to last the relatively short walk back to the barracks without underwear, you used the soft cotton to wipe at your core, biting back a gasp at how the delicate material was almost enough to re-stimulate your sensitive flesh.

Trying to ignore the feeling of Mike's eyes on your back, you busied yourself with dressing, clasping your bra and pulling your blouse over your aching shoulders. As you buttoned up, you stared forward at the shadow of Mike cast across the desk by the brightness of the moon, wondering what he was thinking.

Slowly, almost reluctantly you looked back at him over your shoulder, finding him in the same state of dress as before; he'd pulled his boxers back over himself and fastened his trousers and belt, but his shirt was nowhere to be seen. Instead he wore the white reflection of the moonlight across his built shoulders, making him glow. His gaze was focussed solely on you. Before you could so much as think of what to say him, he spoke up.

“I don't want this to be it for us.” The way he spoke your name sounded warm yet definitive. “I don't know if you could feel it but -” he trailed off, his gaze sliding from your face to the floor where you stood. You took note of his tense posture, the bright illumination accentuating the tautness in the muscles of his naked shoulders, the harsh line of his set jaw. He inhaled deeply through his nose, before looking back to your face and continuing. “Tonight meant something.” His Adam's apple bobbed harshly as he swallowed, voice strained. “For me, at least.”

A smile tugging at your lips and your heart soaring, you let out a breath you weren't aware you were holding. Turning to face him completely, your cheeks feeling hot, you couldn't contain a nervous chuckle, feeling breathless, weightless, you replied. “It meant something for me too.”

Your heart hammered against your ribcage at the relieved sigh he visibly huffed out, smiling back at you sweetly, his own cheeks rosy and dimpled. He suddenly looked so boy-ish, scratching at the back of his neck, dropping his chin to meet his chest. His towering height and thickly muscled biceps making his shyness all the more endearing. You couldn't help but walk up to him, wrap your arms around his middle and reach your mouth up to his face where you nuzzled your nose against his and pressed chaste pecks across his cheeks, reaching his mouth and kissing him there too. He returned your kisses with his own, clanking your teeth together ever so slightly as the two of you smiled.

Pulling away, you rested your chin between his pectoral muscles, looking up at him bashfully. He continued smiling down at you, bringing a hand up to stroke through the hair at the side of your face and cup your cheek. Reaching up on your toes, you kissed him gently on the tip of his nose before releasing your hold on his waist. Finding his abandoned shirt by the chair he was sat on before, you picked it up and held it out for him to slide his arms into it. “It's getting late,” you begin. “We'd better go find Erwin.”

Mike pulled the fabric over his broad shoulders bringing the ends of his shirt together and beginning to fasten the buttons with haste. “Damn, you're right. Hope he's not started walking back by himself already.”

Making quick work of redressing and fashioning yourselves look like you hadn't just made vigorous lust-fuelled love to each other - as much it was possible to do so, anyway - you arrange the hut back into some semblance of order and exit. Mike quickly yet carefully locks the door and buries the key back in the soil of the pot, scattering some dried leaves on top to conceal the fresh turned soil, just for good measure.

As you make your way back down the path you came, you try as best you can to feign a nonchalant air about you. The feeling of butterflies bubbling around in your belly made you feel almost sick with euphoria, and you were sure the ale from merely an hour earlier had nothing to do with your lightheadedness.

Taking a shortcut back to the main road, you and Mike walk through a meadow of tall grass, cornflowers and ox eye daisies, the highest of the stems brushing against your hip bones. As you reach a wooden fence at the far end, Mike climbs over first, his long legs hoisting him over with ease. He helps you climb over after, gently taking your waist as you climb down the other side. Your hands brush together as you continue to walk side by side, and you link your pinky finger with his larger one.

Tentatively, you glance over at Mike to catch his reaction. Your heart leaps in your ribcage for the umpteenth time that night as you see a carefree smile dancing across his handsome features. That combined with the subtle heat from your joined digits, you feel warm to your bones, as if you're bathed in midsummer sunlight.

The two of you soon find yourselves approaching the pub you all but sulked out of earlier, a sense of mortification washing over you realising how childish that little act really was. It seems as though you and Mike both spot Erwin simultaneously; leaning up against the front stone wall of the bar, he has his hands buried in his trouser pockets, his gaze focussed down on his freshly-polished shoes. Mike and yourself both quickly drop your hands down to your sides, realising you were casually strolling over to your oblivious friend still holding each other’s hand. Mike clears his throat, abruptly and somewhat awkwardly, and Erwin's head snaps up at the sudden noise.

“ _There_ you are!” He exclaims, removing his hands from his pockets and pushing his back off of the wall as he begins to meet you. “I've been waiting here for ages, where the hell did you two get to?” He adds, thick brows furrowing in what you can't decipher as either concern or annoyance. You notice the lights of the bar are out, the shutters drawn tight and suddenly feel extremely guilty. Erwin's question, however, leaves you dumbstruck. You don't know how to answer him and the embarrassment renders you speechless. You resort to looking anywhere but at Erwin, a pathetic “errrrm” hanging on your tongue.

“Y/N didn't feel too great so I took her to the hideout to rest a bit.” Mike says cooly. He sounds so matter-of-fact that even you almost believe him. Erwin's features drop as he looks at you. Apology written all over his face, now it's his turn to blush. “I'm sorry to hear that, are you feeling better now?” He asks, smiling at you with his signature charm. “I'm fine, don't worry, I was just feeling a bit - uh - tired,” you reply, toying distractedly with a button on your blouse. “Let's head back.” You add, goosebumps rising up along the skin of your arms. You're almost grateful for the cold cooling down the heat of your cheeks.

The three of you turn to head down the deserted, cobbled road, the stones illuminated by the orange glow of the overhead oil lamps. A gust of cool breeze runs between the buildings, carrying with it a heady scent of the meadows you and Mike clambered through only moments ago. You inhale deeply, and despite the chill, feel overcome with a sense of undeniable contentment. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Erwin pull his jacket tighter around his torso, pulling the collar of his shirt and coat up higher around his neck. That's also when you notice an obtrusive smear of red along the stark white of his shirt collar. Before you can help it, you feel a giggle bubbling up behind your teeth.

“ _Erwin_ ,” you snicker. “Is that _lipstick_ on your collar?” You watch humourously as Erwin's blue eyes widen and his stride falters. Mumbling a “shut up,” he childishly pulls the collar of his navy jacket up higher to hide the accusatory stain, the tips of his ears adopting the same rouge colour. Covering your mouth with your hand, you attempt to stifle your teasing giggles. Turning to look at Mike, you notice he's biting his lip to hold back a smirk, the corners of his eyes creasing and his shoulders visibly quivering. “Oh my god!” You laugh loudly, pushing playfully against Mike's shoulder and holding on to his arm as your belly tightens and sends you doubling over. Tears form in your eyes and you're sure that your hollering is going to rouse the whole of the town. The pair of you are so occupied with poking fun at Erwin to even notice he's fallen behind you. You barely register the way that Erwin slowly says your name, a look of knowing dawning across him as his gaze falls on to the back of your cotton skirt.

Mike swallows his chuckles once he notices where Erwin was looking, and you feel him tense beside you. Wiping the tears of mirth from your eyes, your giggles immediately die in your mouth as you turn to face Erwin and meet the devilish smirk lighting up his features.

With Erwin's calculating, twinkling blue eyes passing from your paling complexion, to Mike's sheepish smile, he asks you -

“ _Why is the back of your skirt wet_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna quickly say that I read so many fics where men ejaculate inside women without a care in the world. I get that they're only fics but it still concerns me a tad. I suppose what happens here isn't much better but I have no idea what kind of contraception they would have in the AoT universe, so I had to improvise.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just weak for both young Erwin and young Mike okay? 
> 
> Sexy times will be in the next chapter *wiggles brows*


End file.
